I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize