he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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