i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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