Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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