How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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