Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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