Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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