mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize