I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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