just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize