I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
my poor anus
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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