God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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