Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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