New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
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stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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