Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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