dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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