My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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