True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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