that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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