One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
