1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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