Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize