just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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