Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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