If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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