i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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