This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize