I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize