: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize