Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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