Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize