The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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