i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize