PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I look better un-naked...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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