when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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