Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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