I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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