Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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