ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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