I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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