she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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