Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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