I'm so fucking centered right now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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