Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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