Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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