Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They took my balls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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