FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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