My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i already hear my dad disowning me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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