So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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