Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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