i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize